A Successful Failure in Writing

(Cover image by Natalie Hernandez).

The voyage to become a better artist is never smooth sailing. Once you set sail, you’ll encounter dangerous waters on your journey: rejections that wreck your confidence, tidal waves that crash into creative burnouts, and storms of self-sabotage that set you back. During the COVID-19 pandemic, with my unfortunate timing, I boarded my boat and tested the waters with writing, where I decided to set sail on my own expedition to become a better writer.

On my voyage, my skills as a writer were put to the test. Not only did I have to navigate learning online, but I also had to navigate switching from a nursing major to an English major. I wanted to pursue something that didn’t give me terrible test anxiety and that I had genuine interest in. After taking a step back and reevaluating my interests, I realized that writing was one thing that I enjoyed ever since I was young, so I decided to take a risk on myself and study something that I was passionate about. While this was a big transitional moment in my life, it was also my most transformative as a writer. 

As a new English major, I had no sense of a writing process that worked for me. But I had one thing that I was persistent in; I was a big-time procrastinator. I struggled with knowing how to manage my time, and on top of that, I had little confidence in analyzing texts and articulating my arguments in writing. And suddenly, I was assigned 60 pages of readings and 1000 word essays that I somehow had to figure out how to write.

As you can imagine, I quickly became stressed, overwhelmed, and unmotivated to do anything related to reading and writing. I scolded myself for each day that I didn’t work on my writing assignments, and I was too ashamed to ask for any help. I was spiraling into a deep and destructive whirlwind of self-doubt, which every writer will warn you is never a good place to be in.

So, what did I do? I tried my best to stay afloat on this treacherous sea of school assignments, but it was like I was steering through the sea with a boat made out of popsicle sticks. It might keep me going for a while, but do I really want to stay on this boat for a long time?

Soon enough, I hit rock bottom. For the first time, I missed the deadline to submit a literary analysis essay that I needed to pass for one of my classes. I was ready to accept my failure –  imagining the F that would appear on my transcript, having to retake the class, redoing all the readings and everything else.

Then, a miracle happened. (I may be exaggerating here by calling it a “miracle,” but looking back at how truly broken my work ethic was, I was ready to give up and drop out of the class.) When my professor noticed that I didn’t turn in my essay, she reached out in an email and checked up on me. I explained to her my situation, and she graciously gave me a second chance. She allowed me to finish writing the essay and turn it in late.

Of course, I took this opportunity – not only to finally finish this essay – but to also break free from this unproductive and inefficient writing process that I entangled myself in. I realized then and there that I needed structure and motivation. So I did anything I could to force myself to write: I locked myself in my bedroom, put on headphones and some music, reread the text, and wrote anything that came to mind. I spent the next few days glued to my computer screen, without any second-guessing or endless editing of what I was typing. 

Finally, after sticking to this brutal writing routine, I finished my essay and completed the class with a passing grade. It was by no means my best writing, but it was a writing commitment that I faithfully fulfilled to the end. I may have lost a lot of points by turning it in late, but I gained a valuable lesson out of it by redefining my writing process.

Although this was the most challenging time that I had with writing, it was also the time where I learned the most about myself as a writer and my own writing process. But, of course, this was just the beginning of how I became the writer that I am today. Today, I’ve come to view writing as more than just points for a grade; writing is a process that will test your patience and practice your self-discipline. Eventually, I’ve learned to replace procrastination with planning; instead of writing essays overnight, I spread my writing out over days. With each class I’ve taken, I’ve refined my writing process.

My daily routine is also a lot more reliable. I have a consistent sleeping schedule and a productive place to write in the library. Nowadays, my mind and body are appreciative of the self-care that I do, and my writing process is much more sustainable. However, I wouldn’t have gotten to this point if I never reached the point of failure that I did.

Whether you’re a writer or an artist, celebrating your wins is as important as embracing your failures. Creating art is more than just creating a final product; it’s also a creative process that can teach you endless life lessons. Whenever art feels like a challenge, keep going on your voyage. You might learn a lifelong lesson from it, whether it ends in a surprising success or a successful failure.